Greetings Gorgeous, I’m Courtney!
I spent most of my life hating my body and struggling to have a “normal” relationship with food. I come from a line of curvy women and growing up, dieting in my house was the norm. Let’s just say that I spent more mornings Sweat’n to the Oldies with my mother than I would like to admit.
“Skinny” “slender” or “small” are not words that have every been used to describe me. I come from a line of women who are genetically dispositioned with an athletic frame.
Food is something engraved deeply in my DNA.
It’s the German in me — big bones and a big appetite.
A slow metabolism is another!
Genetically speaking, mine moves at a sloth’s pace. I gain weight just from reading a cookbook!
So what did this mean for me growing up?
I was a heavy kid. I was teased and I hated my body.
It was because of this that I put my body through utter hell. I stuffed it, I starved it, I tore it apart. No matter what I did with it, I was never happy.
I used food as a way to deal with everything. It was my complete identity. It was my best friend and my worst enemy.
My struggles with weight loss were bittersweet. I did some really wonderful things for my health over the course of my life. I lost a healthy amount of weight in high school and did it in a very mindful way. I discovered a love for fitness and a passion for taking better care of myself during that period. However, I also fell into some not so healthy habits as I entered “the real world.” Chasing a dream to be an actress, I landed in a lifestyle where body image was everything. Where once I had felt good about my body, I was now competing with girls who were several sizes smaller than me. I found myself, once again, in a losing battle against my body.
This led me to my darkest place yet: a 10-year battle with bulimia.
Everyone has a breaking point…at one place in time I might have said mine was when I finally made a real choice to bring my eating disorder to a close. Looking back on it, I realize that even with the bulimia gone, I still raged against myself for the “perfect” body.
For me, the real breaking point was after I gave birth to my second round of kids…I had twins!
I couldn’t lose the last four pounds of baby weight no matter what I did. Four stupid pounds! Like, who cares? But I did…big time. Right before the birth of my first child, I had been the smallest I ever was. I was eating well and really into weight-lifting. I had found a balance that really worked well for my body and I was not about to give that up.
I did everything possible to drop that weight. Low carb, no carb, low calorie, high calorie. I even went so far as to follow a diet where I ate nothing but potatoes for a week straight…nothing! Not a single pound dropped off of me. I weighed myself twice a day. I measured my waist upwards of three times a day. Every thought in my mind was centered around loosing this weight and getting back to my pre-body shape. I was exhausted!
Finally, one day as I took my measurements for the third time that morning, I crashed back upon my bed in utter frustration. Enough was enough! I couldn’t take it anymore. There had to be more to life than my damn waist size!!
I knew I couldn’t be the only one with this obsession. Other women had to be out there fighting the same dizzying battle I was. My search for some solace led me to the podcast that would change my life forever...Food Psych.
On this program, I heard women from all background talk about their issues with food and how they had recovered from them. I heard them speak about healing their relationship to food. Healing their bodies from damage done due to years of yo-yo dieting and eating disorders.
A light bulb went off…I realized that not only was I not alone, but that I wasn’t crazy for feeling this way about my body. The best part of all, was that I also wasn’t doomed to live a life in chains, bound to a distorted view of my figure and my food.
This was what led me towards the path of wellness that I am currently on today and work so diligently to lead my clients towards as well.
What does this mean for me now?
I have had to really learn my body…what foods it runs best off of, how many calories are the right amount specifically for ME. I have had to accept that I will always have the build I have because I come from the ancestors I come from and that is totally a beautiful thing!
I am so grateful for the journey I have been on regarding my body and my relationship to what I eat. It has led me to understand food and have a peaceful relationship with it. I eat not just healthy and fresh foods but the right foods for my specific body’s needs. I have gained wisdom with both my spiritual and my mental health. I know how to put myself first, how to be kind to myself, how to really be my own best friend.
I have discovered how to live an authentic life, one with purpose and balance.
I can help you do the same!
YES! I WANT TO DISCOVER MY BALANCE